I watched this video on youtube (please do watch it before you read on) and I got to thinking.
For a moment it seems the strict lady wants to give the girls a good message. But then it turns out that she means that by dressing and taking care of yourself the right way you don’t need to be pretty and you will be popular. Of course time has changed our vision so much, and this seems absolutely ridiculous to say something like this to a woman these days when we watch this video. But then I got to thinking. As a young girl, you DO really think that beauty and outer appearance will make you more happy, popular, wanted and appreciated. Puberty is a tough phase, and boy am I happy that it is behind me! Until my 18th year I was a bit awkward, uncomfortable in my own skin, terribly insecure and terribly unhappy with my appearance. I was different than most girls. I was tall, bigger than average, uncoordinated and my interests and style were different than those of others. Where most of girlfriends had boyfriends and were considered beautiful and attractive, I always felt like being less then they were. Just not the girl that boys saw as an attractive girl. They just didn’t notice me like that.
Sometimes it made me sad, why couldn’t I have such a flat belly, look that pretty or have a boy like me like that? I just didn’t feel as valuable as other girls. Like I am just not blessed with traits like they were. This together with being bullied made me to be very insecure. This changed with life lessons learned, processing difficulties and learning to look at myself differently. The last thing is something mr. Tulips taught me. Because he loves me so unconditionally and just the way I am, I couldn’t look at myself in any other way than that there must be something beautiful under all the imperfections I normally only noticed. This of course doesn’t mean that having a partner is the only way to learn how to look at yourself differently, but he was the one that opened my eyes. It made me see that I am beautiful just the way I am and besides that there is more than just my outside appearance and that I am blessed with some character traits that are way more important. I am more than my size, looks or body type.
So if I could talk to this awkward and uncomfortable girl, I would want to tell her that there are so many things more important. And that this time is hard, puberty is not the happiest phase of your life, and that there will even harder times, but with the people I have around me everything will be ok. Even though still now at my current age sometimes I don’t believe it.
I would tell her that she doesn’t need to be popular. That some of the friends she has around her are still by my side now. These close friends see me for who I am, love me and I love them, just like they are. They will stick around and people that are important will do that because they matter to you and you matter to them. I would tell her that she might not be a perfect person, but that’s fine. Perfection doesn’t exist. I would tell her to keep aiming high, but not at a high cost and lose herself in the process. I would tell her to protect her heart, to protect herself and to not give unconditionally, trust blindly and to not pour out her whole heart to people that cannot be trusted with this gift. I would tell her to look a bit closer at the people she considers better than she is. She’ll see that they are not. They have their own problems, insecurities and complexes. By the time you are 25, you will slowly but surely learn to love yourself and see that it is ok to be who you are.
Don’t get me wrong, it might seem as if I have my life completely together and I am happy and self confident. This is not the case. I might be the worst person to give an example on how to be kinder to yourself and how to love yourself more, but if I can help anybody learn what I am learning right now, I will absolutely try.
Popularity, beauty, grace, weight and shape will not make you into a more worthy or better person. The way you are, your sparkle, the way you make others feel, your emotional intelligence, your empathy, your kindness, your friendship and many, many other traits will. Remember that when you look in the mirror and want to tear yourself up again. That is a note for you, but surely for myself, because sometimes the young, awkward and insecure girl appears again in the mirror.
Lots of love, xoxo
Miss Ginger Tulips