Anxiety and me

Hi everybody,

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Today I won’t be talking about pretty dresses, cute accessories or beautiful shoes, but I will go talk about something a bit more serious. It has been hard writing this, and I have spent quite some time editing, rethinking, rephrasing to try to clarify myself. I’m going to talk about something that I believe affects everybody in a certain way, some will just occasionally come across this, being able to deal with it perfectly fine, but some will experience a really high level, so high that it seriously influences and affects your life and everything in it. I’m talking about anxiety. I have been suffering from anxiety for most of my life and basically can’t remember myself any other way. For me it’s quite important to tell you a bit more about this psychological disorder, and how common this is. Not until about 2 years I found out that me being so worrisome and at times downright panicked and scared had a name. An anxiety disorder.

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If you would look up the medical term it tells you this:

Anxiety disorder: A chronic condition characterized by an excessive and persistent sense of apprehension, with physical symptoms such as sweating, palpitations, and feelings of stress. Treatments include the comfort offered by understanding the condition, avoiding or desensitizing exacerbating situations, and medications.

So what does this mean for me? Basically I can get very easily worried and scared about things I can’t influence. This can be because of life changes, important decisions that need to be made or something as simple as traveling all alone to a place I have never been before. Preferably I want to know everything and anything before it happens, so I can prepare and be my absolute best self and be able to prepare for worst-case-scenario’s and everything that can possibly go wrong. But since I don’t have a crystal ball to look in the future, nor have I found anybody that does as yet, like everybody else I have to go with the flow and trust that it will all work out without any of my control. But unfortunately this doesn’t work for me. I can’t seem to let go and enjoy the adventure. So I start preparing for worst-case-scenario’s anyway and overthink, worry, panic, overthink some more and let my thoughts spiral out of control up to the moment I think the whole world will end with me failing or making a mistake. Not fun. I have felt like this for as long as I can remember. So basically: Perfection + Control Freak + Not being able to apply control = Anxiety. And long periods of anxiety can and will cause depression. So this is in a nutshell what has happened to me about 2 years ago. At the moment I can say that I am recovering very well and doing quite allright. I’m not there yet, but I am sure feeling a hell of a lot better than I have.

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So what do you do if you suffer from this, or you recognize yourself in my story? First of all talk about it. You will find out that many many more people suffer from the same in some extent. Mostly in silence. It will do you good to know you are not the only one that deals with this. There seems to be a big stigma around mental health, you don’t talk about it and you don’t ask people about it. People with mental disorders are often considered weak and whiney. Would you say the same about people with a physical disease? Not being able to see an illness doesn’t mean it isn’t there. If you feel like anxiety is influencing your life negatively, go and find psychologist to help you. Don’t look at therapy as something that is uncommon or something strange. I like to see it like this. If your teeth hurt or bother you, you go to the dentist to have it fixed without giving it a second thought. In a way going to a therapist is the same, you go to see somebody to have something fixed. So don’t let this hold you back. A therapist will be able to give you guidelines and instructions to get yourself through this. It is possible, no matter how difficult it may seem.

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You might wonder why I write this? Where does this fit in my blog? Well, when I was at my all time low, I found peace and comfort in taking care of myself by dressing beautifully and doing my hair and make-up. It made me feel better. It was a reason to get out of bed. After all, it is such a waste to wear some amazing dress, have your hair and make-up on point for you not to leave the house and the only one to witnesses your glory is your cat… 😉  I believe that it is so important to take good care of yourself, and your mental health is definitely part of it. Please don’t feel alone with whatever your are suffering from. There are many people like you and me and there is a way to get through this.

Lots of love,

Miss Ginger Tulips

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7 thoughts on “Anxiety and me

  1. I love you so much for sharing this! I think people realise more and more how widespread anxiety is, but often if you’re the anxious person and no one you know admits to being the same you feel alone like everyone else must be ‘normal’ and you must be part of a select few to be struggling. I still get very anxious about simple things, like driving in new places or long distances, or having to make phone calls to companies, but my anxiety was at its worse several years ago between the ages of 19-21 when even going out with friends who I enjoyed seeing made me so anxious I often did not want to go. Thank you for sharing! Love you ❤️

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  2. Hi sweet Marjolein,

    I am so happy that you wrote about this on your blog. I have been suffering from hyperventilation for about three years now, and last spring it had gotten so bad it turned into an anxiety disorder. I have never considered myself to be a mentally unstable person, but going through something like this can surely make a girl doubt her sanity, I can tell you! The anxiety prevented me to go to work, or even do some light grocery shopping. I would be terrified when I found myself around a large group of people, cause “what if I got an attack and passed out”? I have never felt more alone in my life. I have a physical therapist and a psychologist who helped me a great deal, and am so lucky to have a supportive family and partner. I still have enormous difficulty using public transport, and being inside a train seriously gets me in tears straight away. I know I will eventually get over this, I am doing so much better already (resumed my job, and shopping happily again) but I’ve still got some work to do. For people who have never experienced something similar, anxiety attacks will be very hard to understand. I mean: who gets scared in trains? But I found every time I was in trouble, there was someone to help me out. I’m sending you lots of love, know you are not the only one who is dealing with this. If you are ever in need to talk about it, don’t hesitate to contact me. XX Kim (kimmetjekup on IG)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Merci pour ce témoignage qui me fait du bien, vraiment du bien.
    Je crois que nous, les amoureuses du vintage avons toutes, une âme un peu douloureuse. Comme si les temps anciens nous apaisent et nous font du bien merci merci d’avoir partagé cela avec nous
    @adrienenamerique IG
    Pleins de bisous de Suisse
    Nadia

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  4. Just discovered your blog and I love it. I love that you also share this piece of your life.

    I have had a couple of depressions and a burn out and people sometimes don’t understand what it means and what you feel. Just because you smile a lot, doesn’t mean you smile on the inside.

    I wish you all the best!

    XX Marjolein (@misslillylotus on IG)

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